I felt like ignoring him might make things weird at work, so I just messaged back noncommittally (like, “Ha, look who it is”), hoping I could move the conversation to peter out without making it awkward.However, things got awkward anyway, because coworker continued sending messages despite my polite attempts to disengage (“[Cool, unsolicited weekend plan you shared] sounds fun. ” …and then he’d send another message trying to continue the conversation.) I read and did not respond to the last message.Like maybe it’s not out of the realm of possibility anymore, at least not when I think about it in an abstract way.But when it comes to a practical way – joining a dating site, talking to guys at social events, whatever – I can’t seem to break that bubble of “Why even bother? ” Even just writing this part of the letter made me feel embarrassed and silly.It has been ten years since my last relationship (I’m in my early30s) and I haven’t been on so much as a date since then.While I was in my hermit state I vacillated between “I don’t really want a partner anyway” (a big fat lie) and “You’re not worth a relationship.” Basically the idea of being involved with someone in a romantic way seemed to be something that just wasn’t in the cards for me, ever. Now, though, that I’ve started being around people socially, it’s starting to seem…not so insane.And, finally, the “I am really a nice guy” act sends up a big red flag for me.
Because I live in the city and he doesn’t, I have planned all our dates, so I don’t feel like I’m learning what he likes to do.I’m sure I should communicate that I feel uncomfortable chatting with a coworker on a dating site, so do you have any scripts for that?Or would it be better to just block him and pretend it never happened?I find it very presumptuous that he assumes his “reasons” or trauma are worse than mine. I am also angry that he won’t be patient and give the relationship a chance to unfold.I feel like he is already emotionally committed, and that he doesn’t want to “screw it up.” It’s putting a lot of pressure on me.
In hindsight, I feel like there are other things I could have said or done to end the conversation sooner, but that’s only now that I know I wasn’t able to end it without confrontation.