Sex means that you could be triggered or struggle with the intimacy involved…are you ready?The task of pacing and slowing down gives you control.I will explore and focus on strategies to that will help ensure that your most recent pathological relationship is your LAST pathological relationship.There is one task in dating after a pathological relationship: to discern pathology from non-pathology before you are hurt.The very first thing that happens in a pathological relationship is that you are overwhelmed. They love-bomb, they challenge your “no’s,” they show up unannounced, they come along just because, or after you tell them that you have plans with friends they send text after text.When you tell them that you’d like to see them Sunday, instead of Saturday they send flowers on Saturday letting your know you are missed.This time you will know, you will see and you will be able to choose differently if you give yourself the gift of time.
We are often under pressure to move fast in relationships,having put off “love” for career.So the task of slowing down requires that you look at how we date today. Whatever you choose, make sure you have taken the TIME to think it through.And a word about sex and slowing down: think about it. Sex means that your neurochemistry will shift and you will sense a deeper attraction, a deeper sense of relationship investment, and even craving.He pulls you in with flowers and scares you with a boundary violation.As you begin to question the violation, he sends a sweet text message so the fear fades quickly. Slowing down in a relationship allows both the fear and excitement to be sensed.
It might not be one lie, but two or three is a pattern.